Rejection

There is a saying that I like very much that says “Rejection is God’s protection”. On the other hand the bible says that God’s promises are “yes” and “amen” (1 Corinthians 1:20). This to me means that God doesn’t say no to His children who believe in Him for the fulfilment of His promises in their lives. Now, what is the deal with le yokuba ndithandazele something and not get it. This question reminds me of a circulating email that says “God’s answers are

1.       Yes

2.       Not yet

3.       I’ve got something better in mind”

For me, these three answers really define what has happened in my life when I had waited for an answer to a prayer. A few years back I worked for a company as a temp, and I was praying to God for  a permanent job because I needed it in order to take care of myself and children. Eventually they decided to sign me up permanently and on the Tuesday of the week that I was supposed to get my contract I was called in and told that my temporary contract had expired and that I had to finish off on the Friday as they no longer needed my services. That was a huge knock on my life, more so my finances. How was I to take care of my children without a job? To top that off, when I called my agent, she was shocked in her boots as she was sitting with a letter from the company requesting an invoice to buy me over as they had decided to take me permanently.

A fighting spirit is something I truly lacked, actually still do. This loss of job led me to going back to my parents’ house with my children as I could not afford to pay the rent anymore. What was really sad and painful about this setup was that three years prior to this, I had walked out with my uncle in a white dress, yes... it was my wedding day. And now I had to come back to this same house, with my children, my furniture and all. The irony of this is that the man who was the reason for me to leave my mom’s house is the one who was moving my belongings to take me back home. On the week that I moved, I received a call from my agent to attend an interview for another temporary job. I was praying so hard to get this job, I didn’t care how much it paid because the thought of staying at home, at my mom’s nogal was just too much to bear. I was thinking that I would have to be a child again, surely my mom would expect to find her house spotless and supper cooked with me at home the whole day. The thought that I could at some point have to ask her for taxi fare when I’d have to go to an interview was just enough to send me over a bridge and be gone forever but because God’s promises are never “no”, I received a call the day before I moved that I had to start the following Monday. Phew!!! What a relief!!! This was my “not yet”, “I’ve got something better in mind for you” answer from God. A few months later, the department that I was working at in the previous company was dissolved and those who worked there were not placed in other departments which meant I could have been without a job...again. Their rejection was God protecting me from unemployment that could have been longer than I could take. So God knew, but He allowed me to go through that process of rejection and lack so that I could get closer to Him and trust Him completely to deliver the promise of provision He had made to me.

It has always been my agreement with my husband that if he ever cheated, started drinking and smoking it will be the end of our marriage. Talk about the power of the tongue, that is exactly what happened. He cheated, started drinking and smoking. But it wasn’t easy to just walk away. I wanted to but couldn’t, until the marriage became toxic for me and my children. We eventually separated and this was just a few months before I moved back to my mom’s house. This separation started me on another journey to seek God, but this time it was for Him to bring my Boo back, sober too. It took me over two years to realise that God has been telling me all along that “I’ve got something better in mind for you”. Now, Pumza can be very stubborn. After receiving so many scriptures and prophecies about letting go, I still held on. It just couldn’t be my marriage that I had to let go off. It just couldn’t be my Boo that I had to let go off. I couldn’t think of anything better than having him and our family back. But God had something better... greater that my husband could ever be, He had “life” in mind for me. It took me finding my husband in bed with another woman for me to finally make the decision to let go. After seriously pondering it and seeking God about it, I finally filed for divorce on 15 February 2011 and seven days later I received the result that I was no longer HIV positive, and this was from having lived witht the HIVirus since 2001. What a great God I serve. He gave me life, a new start and a new lease on life instead of the pain and turmoil I was asking from Him. He is God my Healer and He is God my Deliverer. My husband’s rejection was God’s protection from the progression of HIV which could have led to me dying of AIDS. Amen and amen!!!

As women, we fall in love easily and from simple little things. It could be his voice, his eyes, his smile, his hand gestures when he talks, his laugh... the list is just endless. When going through a break up, it is easy to find yourself falling in and out of love because you possibly miss that love and attention you once knew and you’re just hoping that you might find someone who would just treat you better but most of all, someone who would just allow you to love them and make them happy. Yeah... I have had those in my life too. And being a born again child of God it is never simple to deal with the matters of the heart especially when you’re not sure of your marital status. But what I love about my God is that there is no situation of my life where He is not present. He’s there, in my face 24/7. God commands us to be pure and I have come to learn that purity is not something that we can attain for ourselves but it is a gift of grace from Him. It has been my goal to try by all means not to sin with my body and because I was trying on my own, with my own might and wisdom I almost did. A few more minutes, a few more inches I would have found myself at the throne of grace repenting for allowing my flesh to take over. It is just amazing how God works, when I don’t seem to listen to Him, He makes sure the other parties involved listen. And when they listen, it leaves my heart sobbing and bleeding because to me it feels like rejection when in fact it's what God had been telling me to do all along but He just found a more obedient heart. I still don’t know what God’s answer is on this subject but whatever it is, I am willing to wait and once again let Him lead.

What I want to say to you guys this morning is that when we feel rejected, be it in our professional or personal lives we should just stop and think for a moment. Ask and seek God in that moment and find out what He is saying. Most of the time we become angry at the people who had listened to God’s voice when we didn’t and we cuss them out and call them names. We label them with all sorts of names because they did what we refused to do. I am thinking ke ngoku, that when I experience rejection of any sorts next time I will most definitely ask and seek the One who is the author and finisher of my faith and life and find His answer to my predicament. I am also making the conclusion that  if I cuss the person out, then I am actually cussing God out because the poor person was just following the prompts of  God, who is leading my life to where He wants it to go.

So, next time you feel rejected... Smile, and rest assured that God has definitely got something better for you in mind.

Be blessed

P

PS. Thank you wena, for listening to my Father... I love you and will always treasure your presence in my life, for through you I once again experienced the great love that God has for me... Stay a blessing.

16 Days of activism against women and children abuse

As we near the end of the “16 days of activism against women and children abuse”, I want us to take it further and not let the protection of our loved ones and those around us be limited to 16 days each year. This should be a daily campaign, for each and every household, community, church, town, province and country. It has to start at home, with the parent or spouse to say “I will not intentionally impose pain of any kind to the one I love”.

It pains me kakhulu to hear that a child has been beaten, burnt and worst of all sexually violated and more so by a family member. I can never understand how a grown man could be turned on by a child of a few months and still find it in his heart  and head to enter her/him in that way. I know from my own children that a child’s scream can be so sharp that you, the parent would want to run away. So how does tolerate that scream of pain and agony? How does he stand looking at the blood coming out of the child and still continue with this sick and evil act? How does a parent hit a child so hard that a child ends up with scratches and marks, in some cases even hospitalised? How does a parent take a lit cigarette and kill it on the child’s body? How does a father continue to rape his daughter everyday to some extent even impregnate her numerously. How does a husband who has married a woman he loved, cherished and appreciated suddenly see her as his punching bag? How does he continuously, daily violate her physically and even sexually. There must have been a time in their relationship where making love to his wife was the most beautiful thing that left her feeling loved and appreciated by her husband, all of a sudden it becomes a forceful act that leaves her empty and hurt.

There are so many cases of domestic abuse and violence that I cannot write about them all, but the point I am trying to make is that it starts at home.  If the child cannot trust their parent, who can they trust? If a child is traumatised every time they are called into a room by their parent because they fear for their lives, how can we build a nation of confident young men and women and create a safer country? If a woman is terrified by the man she is living with at home, the one who has been entrusted to protect her, how can she be confident and still remain feminine in the outside world? How can she be a strong mother to her own children when she herself is living in fear?

We need to start creating loving and safe homes for our children. The greatest commandment in the bible is in Matthew 22:37-39 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it, “love your neighbour as yourself.” Jesus also says in John 15:12-13 “This is my commandment: That you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends”

When we love God and have Jesus in our lives as our Lord and saviour. We are granted grace to love the way God loves. God loved us to such an extent that He gave up His only son that He should die for us so we can have eternal life. It is clear from both scriptures that we need to follow God’s example of love. Love is sacrificing yourself for the sake of the one you love. Also, if we learn to love others as we love ourselves, then intentionally hurting them and causing them pain is something that won’t even cross our minds. When you love yourself you always make sure that you feel good, that you look good. You take great care of yourself. This is how we should be towards others. When you love, you do not hurt. For where love resides, evil has no place.

Children born into violent and abusive homes tend to be also violent and abusive, which means that what the child sees happening at home, she/he takes practises it outside on other kids and that is affecting the community. It becomes an ever ending chain of violent and cruel events that could well have been prevented had we endeavoured to have more peaceful and harmonious households, and raised our children in homes where everybody is respected, not just for their age but for being a human being. I think in short, respect of life is what we should practise more and teach our children, because in the end... whatever we do or do not do does affect our lives  and those of the people around us.

As I finish this note. I am listening to Michael Jackson’s “Heal the world”. This song has always touched my heart and I think this is what we need to do. Heal the world we live in and make it a better place for all of us but mostly for our children. It still starts at home... when we heal our homes we will in the process heal the world...

Love, be blessed and be safe

P

World Aids Day 2011

Today, being the World Aids Day I am reminded of the many people in my life who have been and are infected and affected by HIV. I am remembering those who have passed away and those still living with the virus.

 After my diagnosis in 2001, HIV became more than just a virus that lived in my blood stream. It became something in common that I had with friends and family. At some point I thought maybe I was infecting them just by sharing with them. It was sad for me to hear of people close to me contracting the virus, especially those who contracted it after me and still refused to accept it and ended dying because of it. What’s funny to me and always brings a chuckle in my heart followed by a deep sadness is how people still stigmatise HIV. I remember coming home some years back to attend some family function and one family member came to me and said “Haaayi man, usemhle mossi… akubhityanga”. At the time I wasn’t sure what she was talking about. I thought maybe I was expected to have lost weight since they knew what a cry baby I was and still be far from home and my baby. But I learned later that she knew about my HIV status and had expected to see an HIV beaten Pumza which was not the case, hence the poor woman couldn’t contain her shock when she saw me.

Today, I am sharing with you a sneak preview into the lives of two of my friends who have trusted me enough to share their HIV status with me; they have shared their walk with me. They have been involved in my life and in my walk and have been sweethearts throughout. They are both the first people I told about my status and they accepted and loved me as though nothing had changed… well, maybe because really nothing had changed. What we didn’t know was that we would all walk and live with HIV in our bodies. That they would no longer be affected through me, but be infected as well (not by me thoughJ). They have given me permission to share their story but have asked me to keep their names anonymous.

The first one is… “Blessing”

Our meeting was rather emotional. She was in need of a friend and so was I. It was a time in our lives when those we've come to know and trust have turned their backs on us. So in a way, we were attracted to each other by the needs and longings of our hearts. She was just so sweet and seemed easily bullied. I thought I'd found one of those friends who would just let me be... I kinda needed that. To be left to rebel if and when I wanted to and she seemed to fit the position. Not because she didn't care but hopefully because she'd be too scared to tell me "NO". But nope, she wasn't that kind. She had the sweetest and softest voice. Her “no” would come in the line of "Hayi kaloku my friend, akwenziwa njalo". It was just impossible not to listen to her. In our busy lives she was slower than I was. She was the thinker, the one who contemplated. She would say when she's not sure we should do something or not "Hey, tshomam... Andiyiqondi kakuhle le. Andiyiva man". Well, sometimes I would listen and sometimes I wouldn't... She was never stingy with the "I told you so"... She gave it very well when it was due. She became my pillar of strength, my support and my best friend

She’s the first person I told about my status and when I told her she said to me “oh my friend… noba kwenzeka ntoni, yazi ukuba mna ndiyakuthanda tshomam vha! And HIV is normal my friend akhonto, uzobaright”; and those words lingered in my mind for a long time, they still do yaz! It’s just really amazing how life works. How God works. For years, she was there for me, giving me hope on something she had no experience in. I remember while I was still pregnant, I had a craving for strawberry liquorice strips and Steers' caramel dip ice cream. I would wake her up in the middle of the night and we would walk to the nearby petrol station to get me some. She never complained... She was just always ready and willing to put a smile and bring some relief into my life.

In October 2005, I received a call that I never anticipated receiving... Well not from her. She asked me to explain a reading of an HIV test she had taken. It wasn't easy ke moss because I knew that it was a positive. I could sense that she was hoping it didn't mean what it meant, that she was not HIV positive. But she was… her test was positive. It’s funny how words fail you when they are really needed, when you're the only person who can bring some kind of hope or assurance to a person. I know myself to be a talker, really I can talk but words just left me that day. All I could come up with was "its life my friend, but its liveable, this thing can be beaten if you don't allow it to control your life. Look at me; you can see that it’s not the end of the world, I will be here for you, to support you”. And those words seemed enough for her, they seemed to be the voice of hope she needed at the time.

Her life with HIV has been a motivational story of its own. She is a sensitive person but yet she has an inner strength that she doesn't show off with. The lot that she's been through is evidence of that. She's one of those people who are never afraid to ask when she needed to know or didn't understand something. This could be why we met, why I was diagnosed first because all the information I had learned I shared with her and because she's such a trusting person she followed everything to the T (good thing I was living evidence of the methods I was using to keep well).

It’s never easy to share your status, especially with those who are closest to you like your family and all. Her challenge was telling her mother. So her little sister was the easiest to tell and she was very supportive. She was supportive also in keeping it from their mother until she had found the strength to tell her. In 2006 she called me to share with me that she had found love. Something she thought would never be possible. When she finally plucked out the courage to tell her new found love about her status, it turned out he’s been struggling with the same thing. How he was gonna tell her that he’s HIV positive. This is the part that just blesses me. This is a demonstration of her strength and courage, of her integrity. I believe this is why this man told himself that he will not let go of this woman. They walked to together, supporting each other throughout. In 2008, they were blessed with a healthy baby boy. Huuuuge baby boy, and by God’s grace he’s HIV negative. This is the time she thought would be perfect to tell her mother. She took the same route and reasoning I had when I had to tell my mom about my status. She knew that with the pregnancy she will be tested, also that she will have to take the treatment to prevent MTCT so she had to tell her so that she’s not surprised when she sees her and baby taking ARV’s. We had planned to tell her mother together and in the process make refer to my life so that her mother is relieved and consoled by seeing me living well with it. But we never got to do that, I was saved from that by a television programme which got them talking about HIV and she was able to tell her mother who gave nothing less than her love and support to her. In 2010, they were blessed with another baby boy… HIV negative as well. They are now married and healthy. They are growing stronger and stronger. Their children are healthy and beautiful. Just like all parents, they hope to live long enough to see their children grow up to be men, finishing school and getting married.

It is the hope of Blessing that one day, she has the strength and courage to stand before people and talk about her life with HIV. To share her experiences with the hope that she can touch a person’s life and make a difference. She longs to see the world view HIV in a different light; being accepted for what it is and see an end to all the stigmatisation and discrimination.

The second one is… let’s call her “Kindness”

She's a born again Christian woman, she was saved before I was. It was kinda weird cos we used to party together. I wondered how our conversations would be, but I could still be myself around her. She was no judge of character but was just setting an example which I was just not ready to follow as yet. She's been my friend since 1999. I think I was drawn to her by her kind heart, humble nature and somehow good sense of humour. She's the second person I told about my status. To top it all, she later took her test and was found negative, which was exciting news for both us... I mean we just couldn't both be positive yhu! She took care of me like a sister while I was pregnant. The one thing I didn't like about visiting her was the healthy eating, yho! Sisters made sure that when I'm around her she maximises on the health of both myself and the baby.

It was around January/February and I was still at home in PE on maternity leave when she called me. Our greetings were followed by the words "ndikujoinile mtshana" (I've joined you my friend). Now, the first thing that came to my mind was how in the world could she be pregnant? She's born again and as far as I knew she had no man so what in the world? So I asked "haybo, you're pregnant?" And she answered with that sweet and serene voice "no sana, I'm HIV positive". Now I'm one person who always has something to say no matter what the situation. But this time, I didn't. I was lost of words; I was hurt, I was kinda angry too. I mean how? Why? She's taken a step to a better life, accepted Christ as her Lord and Saviour and yet this? Nooooo! Just wasn't fair. So she began to tell me how it had all came about. It’s just amazing how bold she was. She's the one who asked the Doctors to do the HIV test after having all sorts of other tests done to find out what was wrong with her. And when the results came, she was kinda expecting them so she was prepared. Which makes me believe that maybe that's the reason why Jesus called her to Him before her diagnosis so that He's there with her when she heard the news. He was there, holding her hand and giving her hope that she'll be fine. Now I can’t really remember what I said to her. But I know that I said that I would have preferred that she was pregnant, but nonetheless we will walk the journey together. I'm pretty sure I gave her the "be strong" speech as well... Its standard moss...

Her strength and determination is what I want to write about. Most people when they only find out through being ill that they are HIV positive lose hope. They really see the disease as a death sentence. Now, when I saw her for the first time after she had told me the news I was shocked, fortunately for me she was on her way out as I was coming in so that left me with time to think of how I’m gonna approach her. I was just amazed at how strong she was. How determined she was to beat this temporary setback. She is one person who listens… she is one of those people who live by following the rules. She was religiously faithful to her getting well routine and guess who had to suffer? Yes, Meeeee! Because this time, food was healthier than ever… I would watch her take her medication and the home remedies with such enthusiasm. I have never in my life seen someone down Caynne pepper water mixture as if drinking milk. I’d watch in awe as she took her dose of garlic cloves with lemon water… she never allowed HIV to slow her down at all. She would attend marches and walks.  I can’t say it made me wish to grow up to be like her thoughJ cos I just didn’t see myself having that much zeal. In my heart I prayed that I don’t get to that place because I just didn’t think I would have the strength and courage that she had. And I believe that could be why God chose to heal me of HIV for He knows my weaknesses and capabilities. I watched my friend fully recover and it was such a motivating experience. One you’d wish that all HIV positive people could hear and see. Especially those who are born again Christians as they tend to condemn themselves for contracting the virus.

It’s a pity that she has asked me to withhold her name as she has been selective in the people she tells about her status, because I believe that a lot of people could learn and gain a thing or two from her about dealing with HIV. But she is one of the strongest people I have come to know. She has been my pillar of strength. You know, it’s amazing how a person who is going through the same challenges as you are, maybe even in a worse position as you are would still manage to strengthen you, take care of you, motivate you  as though she has no problems of her own. This is how she’s always been to me.

She has had her challenges in her life with HIV. Her experience in disclosing her status to men who had shown interest in her has not made it to the highlights of her life. It is amazing how people are quick to judge a person because of her HIV status. I get the part of fear of life and what not. But the sad thing is that in one’s fear, they are merely saying that it will never happen to them hence they are able to reject and judge people who are HIV positive. So now the question is, what does an HIV positive woman say to a man who shows romantic interest in her? Does she keep quiet and not say anything, which might be viewed as betrayal? Does she disclose and risk being rejected and judged? Does she stay single forever in the fear that she will be hurt if she takes the risk? Does this mean that HIV positive women do not deserve to be loved and get married and have children? I am not making a call for men out there to start searching for HIV positive women just for the sake of trying to make a difference and do good, I am just making an appeal that when you have seen the personality, the character, the traits, the heart and all that make you fall in love with a woman… Let not her HIV status be in the way of what could be meant to be the best relationship of your life…

When I asked her what her thoughts were on HIV… this is what she said

“Look one thing I realised mna is that do whatever you do for urself, start with You then the rest must follow coz abantu banengxaki yokufuna ukuthi please people before iziqu. Something I also stole from Crisselda is that where was gvnt when u contracted Hiv so what I am trying to say is It’s important not to shift the blame to somewhere else, even to the person who infected you , You should take responsibility and live your life. Yhuu hai khandiyeke andibhali journal apha tltltltl but what I realised is that abantu abafundiseki period so we still have a long way to go for instance I don’t if it was 2 weeks ago yawa ndim no Crisselda thi le ntombi it’s a whole year since she was diagnosed but akakayamkeli till today, how do you deal with people abanjalo so ja that’s the reality of this Demon.”

Blessing, Kindness

Two of God’s traits

Sent to my life for a purpose

God used you both

To showcase who He is in my life

I am grateful for your lives

In ways I cannot begin to describe

You are God’s own appointments

To make my life what it is

May His strength be upon you

May He give you courage every day

May He give you hope for each day

May He increase your faith

I pray for your healing

Physically and emotionally

May my God fulfil your desires

May He be glorified through you

You are my heroines

You are my stars

You are my best friends

You are my God’s Blessing and Kindness

I love you both…

Today, I urge us to remember those who are HIV infected and affected. To remember the children whose parents have been robbed by the disease and the widows and widowers whose spouses have been taken by this virus. To remember and extend humility, care, compassion and empathy to those who are affected by HIV. Acceptance is something that each and every one longs for…  And even more so, people living with HIV, they long to be accepted and loved. Start with one person, and extend a hand of kindness, give a word of hope and live to make a difference.

To those who are infected and affected by HIV, it is a disease that can be managed and beaten. Being positively positive is the way to go. But most importantly, having faith in the God of Supernatural miracles not only brings peace into one’s heart, but it also brings healing to the one who dares believe the impossible. For God says “I am the Lord, who heals you.” Exodus 15:26.

The cure to HIV lies in the hands and heart of God

 Jeremiah 33:6 "Behold, I will bring you health and cure, and I will cure you, and will reveal unto you the abundance of peace and truth."

We need to always pray for one another in asking God to release his abundant miracles upon our lives and the lives of those we love

Matthew 18:19 "Again I say to you that if two of you agree on Earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven."

Mark 11:24 "Therefore I say to you whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them."

May you all have a memorable World AIDS Day 2011.

Stay safe and blessed

P

How flexible can one be after a break up?

How much access should an ex have with another? Is friendship, without expectations even possible? How much advantage can one take of the other. Is the offended party obliged to keep the "friendship" going in the name of keeping the peace? What are the boundaries? Without looking back at the past, and reliving the ordeal. Can the offender be trusted to have only good intentions within this "friendship"? What would constitute as opening a door of possible second chances?False hope and the likes?

It is amazing how the offended party is expected to yield to this newly found "friendship". When previously the person wasn't good enough. But now, they're the only people who understand them. At some point they couldn't cook, yet all of a sudden dinners and lunch invites are requested. What brought about the sudden change. Could there be a bit of selfishness in this equation? It just doesn't make sense to me how someone who couldn't stand another is suddenly interested and is apparently more at ease being and talking to the very same person. Especially when there was another party involved. Has that person also become redundant that they can't perform the job that they soooo perfectly did before. I mean, their performance could well have been the cause why there's ex's now. So, how is this circle going to work out? This one today and that one the next, and its all ok as long as you perform to the expected perfection? And if not, then you have to know that another alternative will be found, I mean you yourself are one....

It saddens me really... That it is only one person who allows this to happen and therefore opens the door for the repeated cycle. So now the question is... How does one make sure that this doesn't happen without having to alter their personality. And by that I mean, being rude and cold when you are not that kind of person? Where and how do you draw the line? And when it has already started, how do you put a stop to it?

Questions and questions yes... And we need answers....

Was just thinking out loud....

Blessings
P

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A person can only be to you what you allow them to be

"A person can only be to you what you allow them to be" ~ Pumza Mooi

Many a time we expect certain things from the people around us and yet we do not give them the opportunity and freedom to do or be those things to us. One cannot be a friend unless they are allowed to be a friend and do what a friend does. A friend listens, supports, cares and is there for the one they are a friend to. When you close the door to all these things that come with being a friend, then you are not allowing the person to be a friend to you. It is so also with children, we expect them to be children yet we do not allow them to be. We do not allow them the freedom to be children and we give them too many responsibilities for their own ages. Wives and husbands, we marry men who are purposed to be our protectors and providers and yet we work so hard to do these things for ourselves that he finds no reason to or feels he will only come short in doing so. Husbands take wives who are purposed to be helpers and yet they shoot down anything and everything that comes out of their mouths or undermine their efforts in building their family.

We seek to be in and to have relationships. A relationship is a connection or an association between two or more people. And these people each have their own roles to play. And one can only play that role effectively if given the opportunity and freedom to do so.

Maybe the next time we feel unsatisfied or unfulfilled in any relationship, and find ourselves doubting the other person, we should ask the question “Am I allowing them to be that to me?”

God bless

P

Don’t let your past steal your future

On Wed, 21 Sept 2011 I was visited by my past… and it looked much more promising and safer that my future because I think I was more familiar with it. It was something that I knew… But it was something I have to let go… And I almost grabbed a hold of it again…

Don’t let your past steal your future ~Pumza Mooi

I have decided to let go of the past. Not because of the pain or the unpleasantness of it. But because by focusing on it, I may miss out on what is ahead for me. The thing is, the past is meant to be left behind and the future is something to be looked forward to. Whether good or bad, the past is just what it is. A memory, a record of what had been. We cannot keep testifying and bragging about old blessings, successes and stale anointing. God is a God of new and fresh things. He is the God of hope and we can only hope for something that’s in the future.   Jeremiah 29:11” For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. “

Focusing on the past robs us of the joy and even the pain of today. Everything in our lives happens for a reason and at a set time. While holding on to yesterday’s pain, one might be missing out on today’s joy. If we hold on to yesterday’s joy we might be missing out on today’s pain which could lead us to tomorrow’s peace and joy. We could be missing out on the experience of God’s comfort and peace, His ability to move us from a muddy clay to a King’s highway. We could be holding on to yesterday’s sin, our disobeying Him and miss out on His forgiveness  Lamentation 3: 22 “It is because of the Lord's mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not. 23They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness.”

God has a new thing for you… Let go of the past, whatever it is. Open your hands to receive. Open them and let what you are holding just fall out and see if He won’t fill them with something new that’s bigger and better. Let go of what is familiar and seems safe and take a leap of faith and trust Him. Isaiah 43:19  “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”

I am letting go of the past…

Philippians 3:13 “I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.”

Stay blessed

P

The book that led me to Finding God

About the Book:

We are all connected in our ways. The lives we live are an example to the world. No life is born, lives and dies in vain. The time given to us is enough to fulfil our life mission. This is the challenge finding out what our mission is and making a difference in the world using only that which we are given - the power of emotion and talent and the ability to dream and see those dreams fulfilled through the

choices we make, lead us to our destiny.

About the Author

“As I go through life with all its challenges I find that my philosophies are not too far off from the masters that preach the highest ideals and my philosophies are:

Love all people, regardless of what they do or do not do. Give an ear to all people; everyone has something to say and something to teach. I am here for a bigger purpose than me and everything that happens is a lesson for my soul. Never judge it is not my place. Whenever an opportunity comes, deposit into life by helping people where you can (all people). When I am done, with this life; people will remember that I gave and I gave fairly without asking for anything in return.”

- Brandley M. M. Ngcobo

I find it safe to say that had it not been my meeting Brandley Ngcobo on Facebook in January 2011, and reading his book titled “What’s your story” I would not be where I am in my life right now. Now, I have read a number of motivational books in my time. And yes, they have in some way or another touched my life. But never have I been touched and have my life changed by reading a book like I was by reading Brandley Ngcobo’s book “What’s your story”.  I believe its timing was right and that made all the difference. It was what I needed, when it was needed. in my life. I do believe that the fact that the book is written by an ordinary man, just like me who was given a revelation to share his life story with the hope that it will make a difference in someone’s life, made it easy for me to identify with. Though our journeys were not the same, I found meaning in this book. Reading it made me look deep within me and it sparked a burning desire in me to search for my purpose, my God given purpose. Being a Christian woman, I knew that I was born for a purpose but have always had this thought that it will all just come to me and fall into place. But I learned that one needs to consciously seek and search for their purpose in order to find it. And in finding my purpose I would also find myself. For me, finding my purpose meant finding God. It meant seeking His heart and His mind and plans about my life. It meant taking a journey in His memory lane, with Him holding me by the hand.

 “Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. “~ Jeremiah 29:13

When I received the book on the 24 January 2011, it was just four days after I have had just gone through one of the worst, hardest and most painful experiences of my life which led to me having to do what was the hardest decision of my life. To either give up my God given dream or put an end to a 6 year relationship and marriage. You see, I was diagnosed with HIV in 2001 since then, because of how God had kept me strong. I wanted to help people who were struggling with HIV, but my husband was against this. And in obedience and wanting to keep my family together, I let it go. So here I was, torn between embracing something that I knew would make me happy, something that would give me the fulfilment that I needed. Something that would give my life meaning and something that came from God Himself, His plan and purpose for my life, and something that was once the source of my joy but turned to being the source of sorrow. It seems like an obvious and easy choice, but it wasn’t. Although it was clear that things were getting from bad to worse in my marriage, that it was many moments of fighting and crying than love and joy I still found it to be safer than chasing a dream that I didn’t know where it would take me or how I was to pursue it.

I remember a day I was chatting to Mr Ngcobo about life and choices and ones that I had to make (I like picking his brain and he’s always available to listen). His response to me was “Choose life no matter what the odds”. So what was life for me? Was it my failing marriage or was it my God chosen destiny?

So shall it be that out of the same life comes, joy, pain, happiness, sorrow, fulfilment, suffering, foolishness and wisdom embodied in one body. It is a choice after all.

~ Brandley M.M. Ngcobo

“While you live and live with meaning and purpose, opportunities will present themselves, oceans will carry you to worlds unseen (more opportunities) and towards the end; your life will gather speed like a steam train rolling downstream with no breaks.”

~ Brandley M.M. Ngcobo

Knowing in my heart that there was a higher purpose for my birth was not enough to activate my faith enough to seek and call forth my God given destiny.  God had planted a dream in my heart. A dream so big that I thought that I had no way of realising. I knew that I had to tap into the deeper part of God and seek His mind, His wisdom in order for me to even take the first small step towards realising this dream. So many times I have seen and read the scripture in James 1: 5“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.6 But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts, is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.” But I never knew what it meant for me. It’s true that it is not every word that is preached that is meant to touch your life at the time it is preached. There comes a time when the word of God will be sent to you, not necessarily through a preacher or Pastor. Sometimes it is through a lay person just like you and me. And this is what happened to me. This is when I started to seek the wisdom of God, to carry out that which I believed He had planted in my life.

“The power of dreams is a God given trait of every being that dwells the world and man, as we know Him, has mastered the power of converting dreams into action and yet; so many, so many of us die in futility of not having realised the power of dreams come true and nor having taken action in pursuit of those goals and dreams.” – Brandley M.M. Ngcobo

As I read through Ngcobo's book, I felt a connection. Not so much as me knowing him but it was more like he knew me. He knew what I was going through; it was like he knew who I was and what I wanted to do. It was like he knew what my struggles were at the time. It truly felt like he was sent by God to me. So many times when people do good things for us we would respond with “you’re a God sent”. This time, I did not know this man. I had just seen him on Facebook and I had no idea that he was a writer, let alone an author of a great book and one that would change my life. But really, when God creates a person, He creates them with a plan of His own. He knows what they will go through and the people they will meet and people who will touch their lives and how. God plans and grooms our helpers as we go along with life. He positions them at the points and times of our needs. And this is what I believed happened with Ngcobo. When he started writing the book in 2007, it was the beginning of the ordeal that led to the state I was in when I first read his book. The time between writing and publishing the book was the time when I was struggling to accept what had become of my life. I was still willing and open to any offered remedy to my problems. When all along my answers were lying in God's heart. So to me, this was God making a way for me to come out of my ordeal a better person who trusted Him more. God was shining His light and imparting His wisdom on Ngcobo because He knew that His precious Pumza needed to hear and experience what He had planted in his heart. When he published the book in 2009, my problems had reached the climax. I knew what I had to do but I was too scared to take that leap of faith. I was too scared to leave what I knew for something I didn't. God knew that in 2011 I will be in position where I will need this courage and wisdom that He imparted in this man. He gave him this talent, this dream and obedience so that today, I may proudly say that I am living the purpose that God created me for. My faith was activated beyond measure. Not only did I find the courage to end a marriage that was more detrimental not only to my health but to my spiritual well being and the people around me. But I also found my physical healing. I was not only freed from my emotional burdens but also from my physical burdens. All because I dared to believe that God had a bigger and better plan for my life. And that it was worth living and letting go of everything I found to be safe for something that I didn't know but only hoped would be better. This is the time that I found the meaning of faith.

Lessons learnt

• “No life is born, lives and dies in vain.” ~ Brandley M.M. Ngcobo

▪     Jeremiah 29:10 “I know the plans I have for  you”

◦     I am here to serve a purpose, God's purpose.               

•  “Choose life no matter what the odds.”  ~ Brandley M.M. Ngcobo

▪     John 4:16 “I am the way, the truth and the life.”

◦     Life is meant to be lived and experienced. And this is what I intend to do with my walk with Christ, to experience Him fully in my journey through life.

• “Nothing moves until you do something. Belief alone is not going to achieve anything for you. It must be followed up with concrete action. ~ Brandley M.M. Ngcobo

▪     James 2:24 “For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, even so is faith apart from works”

◦     As much as faith pleases God, faith alone will not get me to where I need to be. Faith has to be followed by obedience, action, by praying and speaking the things I want into being.

• “The dawning day of success is within your reach; tell your story today while you have the time. Live for your ideals and pursue the truth, seek knowledge and wisdom at every corner, give your share to the world and hope that it will make the world a better place.” ~ Brandley M.M. Ngcobo

▪     Revelations 12:11 “They overcame him by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony.'

◦     It is by me telling my own story and testifying to the world that I will be able to make the difference I am created to make and live the purpose that I'm created for. And this is the only time that I will overcome the enemy that is out to destroy God's plan for the world.

• “You become your actions. Your thoughts become your actions. Your life is judged by your actions. Your story is told through that which you do while you are alive and when you die it is cast and it echoes in eternity.”~ Brandley M.M. Ngcobo

▪     Proverbs 23:7 “ For as he thinks in his heart, so is he”

◦     Whatever I feed my mind and believe, that is who I am and that is who will manifest and that is the story my life will tell. It is up to me to decide what my story will be. And I choose to have a positive story. 

As I write this article. I am busy writing my own book sharing, my story. With the help of Brandley Ngcobo. He has titled my book “Finding God” hence the title of this article.

Brandley Mduduzi Mbongiseni Ngcobo

Words cannot begin to explain or describe how grateful I am for your life. I have not met you but it feels like I have. I have been on a search for something that I didn't know but knew   would complete me. Connecting with your heart and mind made me seek and connect with my inner self. You set me on a road to finding God and in finding God I found Pumza. Because you lived, I am now living. Not only am I living life but also living my God given purpose. Hay mtshana... Amazwi okubonga andinawo. May God richly bless you always.

My friend

Your name aroused my curiosity

Your words caught my mind

Your picture caught my eye and your heart captured my heart

Never imagined a friendship with you

A stranger from the net, one I may never see

A stranger that became a great friend

A friend is one who listens

Who sometimes speaks without saying a word

A friend inspires

and lives to make a difference

Friendships have become materialistic

You be there for me and me for you

You scratch my back and I scratch yours

What you give is what you get

But you, you gave more than you received

You gave me a true friendship… in spirit

A valuable friendship in words and a lasting friendship in character

Your words became bricks in building the new me

Your kindness became a soothing balm to my broken heart

Your experiences became a footpath for my lost soul

Your wisdom became light through my darkish world

I wonder if you know that,

You are the best friend I’ve ever had

In spirit, you have touched and changed my life

And for that… me loves you to bits

I thank God that our paths crossed

I thank you for living your life

I thank you for chasing your dreams

I thank you for being a good friend

Thank you for being an inspiration

Thank you for being my friend…

Thank you for being you

Much Love and Respect

P

To order the book, see:

http://www.newvoices.co.za/
www.wix.com/bngcobo/brands
http://www.kalahari.net/
http://www.amazon.com/
or email brandley@webmail.co.za

What’s your Story?

New Beginnings

Ok!!! It’s Spring!!! It’s a new season for new beginnings, rebirth and renewal. Everything is bright and beautiful. Flowers budding and sunny weather all around. It is really a beautiful scenery. It comes after a dreadful chilly and wet winter. It feels like a ray of sunshine after a cold and rainy day. Its beauty is as colourful as the rainbow after the storm… Ok, ok… that’s just about what I know and see of this season. You see, I am not a nature person, let alone a flower person. But the bottom line is that Spring represents beautiful new beginnings.

What I want to talk about though is not geographical season of Spring. But that which we as people go through in our daily walk of life. You see, we all go through seasons, just like the seasons of the year. The timings and durations may not be the same though, won’t we all be blessed if they were because then we’d be able to prepare for the changing seasons. The seasons of the year are in three month periods; sad thing about ours is that they vary from one day to years. Now, we get our Autumns when the winds of life blow at us like nobody’s business, when we find ourselves having to push through everything and anything just to get by. We also get our Summers, when all is well. Summer is the season of abundance where everything is going just right. In Summer, we are all happy and jolly. We plan our best times for this season because we are hopeful that nothing would go wrong.  And then, we get our Winters. Yeah, that’s the season where you kinda get a combination of all the other seasons. This is the season where you feel nailed on almost every corner of your life. In Winter you can get anything from raging storms to hurricanes, bolts and lightening, floods, snow and cold like you won’t believe. Sometimes you hardly ever see the sun or even a tiny spark of light. This is the time that anything that could go wrong, goes absolutely wrong. You find that things at work are going horribly wrong, and you look forward to going home to a peaceful and more loving environment, but then when you get home you find yourself in another battle. You find yourself looking around and finding no safe place to run to, sometimes even the people around you become such pains in the leg that you’d rather not even see talk to them, let alone see them. You just feel like isolating yourself to a place of your own where you can hide away from all that is hitting against you and only come out once the season is over. It becomes so easy to have your toes stepped on and making uncalled for rivals and enemies. That is just typical of someone going through a winter season of their lives. In Xhosa we would say “unochuku” which basically means they’re just being oversensitive.

With all these raging storms in one’s life, the only true weapon that can guarantee breakthrough is prayer. I say guaranteed breakthrough because prayer gives hope that the season will pass. God says in His word in Psalm 139:1“O LORD, you have searched me [thoroughly] and have known me. 2You know my down sitting and my uprising; You understand my thought afar off.  3You sift and search out my path and my lying down, and You are acquainted with all my ways.  4For there is not a word in my tongue [still unuttered], but, behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. This means that even before you enter into this season, God knows. So, already… before the storms even hit us. God already knew they were coming and He already had an action plan. He also knows our own plan of how to handle things when they come, which most of the time never work. I can just see him closing His eyes with His hand on His head saying “there she goes again trying to fight My battles”. This is why He assures us in Isaiah 43:2 that “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flame kindle upon you.  3For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…” this is so that we can trust in His capabilities of taking us through the hardest seasons of our lives. 

Where I was going with this from the onset was on the subject of new beginnings. The beginning of a new season, Spring; the restoration and rebirth. One cannot have a new beginning while dragging the old hurt and pain along. A new layer of skin will not grow on a wound that has not healed. With winter, it is inevitable that one would contract flu or cold and cold blisters and such. And in most cases the infection becomes so severe that a course of antibiotics is needed to treat it You see, while we go through our winters, we either end up casualties or we cause our own, sometimes even both and in these cases, the antibiotic I am talking about is forgiveness. So…

What is forgiveness? The dictionary meaning is that “Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt'.” So it is clear that forgiveness it the act that would take place when there's a wrong committed against another. An offence often comes with pain, hurt, heartache, resentment, anger, revenge and all the likes. And which, when we look at them closely are all negative emotions which are detrimental to one's emotional, physical and spiritual wellbeing. I will be lying if I said forgiveness was easy. Forgiveness is the one thing that is pivotal to one’s peace and happiness and yet it so difficult to do. It is the one component of our wellbeing that is dependent on us, the one that no one can do for you, motivate or even force you to do.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

~Suzanne Somers

Forgiveness is the process of removing that hard, dark, ugly layer from a wound, to allow it to breathe and heal completely. It can be painful, especially when the wound is still a bit new. The possibility of blood coming out is inevitable. Sometimes you might find that you may have just opened another small little one inside of it. But that all leads to healing, the complete and full restoration. Forgiveness can be the most painful way to acquiring peace and joy in your heart and life. But think about it this way, that its temporary pain for permanent peace and everlasting happiness. Its freedom....

Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.

~Hannah More

So today, this Spring day of 2011. Won't you make the decision to forgive? Forgive yourself or another person?  Won’t you take the first hard but essential step to your healing and restoration? Won't you release yourself and any person whose mistakes have hurt you from the anger and resentment? Won't you empty your heart of all those negative and harmful emotions to open a space for the good ones? While you're doing that... Won't you allow God to forgive you? Not only will you have eternal peace but eternal life is guaranteed.

Start afresh today. Have a new beginning, a rebirth and a regrowth.

Happy Spring Day!!! And may this day be the beginning of new and great things for each and every one of you.

Be blessed

P