World Aids Day 2011

Today, being the World Aids Day I am reminded of the many people in my life who have been and are infected and affected by HIV. I am remembering those who have passed away and those still living with the virus.

 After my diagnosis in 2001, HIV became more than just a virus that lived in my blood stream. It became something in common that I had with friends and family. At some point I thought maybe I was infecting them just by sharing with them. It was sad for me to hear of people close to me contracting the virus, especially those who contracted it after me and still refused to accept it and ended dying because of it. What’s funny to me and always brings a chuckle in my heart followed by a deep sadness is how people still stigmatise HIV. I remember coming home some years back to attend some family function and one family member came to me and said “Haaayi man, usemhle mossi… akubhityanga”. At the time I wasn’t sure what she was talking about. I thought maybe I was expected to have lost weight since they knew what a cry baby I was and still be far from home and my baby. But I learned later that she knew about my HIV status and had expected to see an HIV beaten Pumza which was not the case, hence the poor woman couldn’t contain her shock when she saw me.

Today, I am sharing with you a sneak preview into the lives of two of my friends who have trusted me enough to share their HIV status with me; they have shared their walk with me. They have been involved in my life and in my walk and have been sweethearts throughout. They are both the first people I told about my status and they accepted and loved me as though nothing had changed… well, maybe because really nothing had changed. What we didn’t know was that we would all walk and live with HIV in our bodies. That they would no longer be affected through me, but be infected as well (not by me thoughJ). They have given me permission to share their story but have asked me to keep their names anonymous.

The first one is… “Blessing”

Our meeting was rather emotional. She was in need of a friend and so was I. It was a time in our lives when those we've come to know and trust have turned their backs on us. So in a way, we were attracted to each other by the needs and longings of our hearts. She was just so sweet and seemed easily bullied. I thought I'd found one of those friends who would just let me be... I kinda needed that. To be left to rebel if and when I wanted to and she seemed to fit the position. Not because she didn't care but hopefully because she'd be too scared to tell me "NO". But nope, she wasn't that kind. She had the sweetest and softest voice. Her “no” would come in the line of "Hayi kaloku my friend, akwenziwa njalo". It was just impossible not to listen to her. In our busy lives she was slower than I was. She was the thinker, the one who contemplated. She would say when she's not sure we should do something or not "Hey, tshomam... Andiyiqondi kakuhle le. Andiyiva man". Well, sometimes I would listen and sometimes I wouldn't... She was never stingy with the "I told you so"... She gave it very well when it was due. She became my pillar of strength, my support and my best friend

She’s the first person I told about my status and when I told her she said to me “oh my friend… noba kwenzeka ntoni, yazi ukuba mna ndiyakuthanda tshomam vha! And HIV is normal my friend akhonto, uzobaright”; and those words lingered in my mind for a long time, they still do yaz! It’s just really amazing how life works. How God works. For years, she was there for me, giving me hope on something she had no experience in. I remember while I was still pregnant, I had a craving for strawberry liquorice strips and Steers' caramel dip ice cream. I would wake her up in the middle of the night and we would walk to the nearby petrol station to get me some. She never complained... She was just always ready and willing to put a smile and bring some relief into my life.

In October 2005, I received a call that I never anticipated receiving... Well not from her. She asked me to explain a reading of an HIV test she had taken. It wasn't easy ke moss because I knew that it was a positive. I could sense that she was hoping it didn't mean what it meant, that she was not HIV positive. But she was… her test was positive. It’s funny how words fail you when they are really needed, when you're the only person who can bring some kind of hope or assurance to a person. I know myself to be a talker, really I can talk but words just left me that day. All I could come up with was "its life my friend, but its liveable, this thing can be beaten if you don't allow it to control your life. Look at me; you can see that it’s not the end of the world, I will be here for you, to support you”. And those words seemed enough for her, they seemed to be the voice of hope she needed at the time.

Her life with HIV has been a motivational story of its own. She is a sensitive person but yet she has an inner strength that she doesn't show off with. The lot that she's been through is evidence of that. She's one of those people who are never afraid to ask when she needed to know or didn't understand something. This could be why we met, why I was diagnosed first because all the information I had learned I shared with her and because she's such a trusting person she followed everything to the T (good thing I was living evidence of the methods I was using to keep well).

It’s never easy to share your status, especially with those who are closest to you like your family and all. Her challenge was telling her mother. So her little sister was the easiest to tell and she was very supportive. She was supportive also in keeping it from their mother until she had found the strength to tell her. In 2006 she called me to share with me that she had found love. Something she thought would never be possible. When she finally plucked out the courage to tell her new found love about her status, it turned out he’s been struggling with the same thing. How he was gonna tell her that he’s HIV positive. This is the part that just blesses me. This is a demonstration of her strength and courage, of her integrity. I believe this is why this man told himself that he will not let go of this woman. They walked to together, supporting each other throughout. In 2008, they were blessed with a healthy baby boy. Huuuuge baby boy, and by God’s grace he’s HIV negative. This is the time she thought would be perfect to tell her mother. She took the same route and reasoning I had when I had to tell my mom about my status. She knew that with the pregnancy she will be tested, also that she will have to take the treatment to prevent MTCT so she had to tell her so that she’s not surprised when she sees her and baby taking ARV’s. We had planned to tell her mother together and in the process make refer to my life so that her mother is relieved and consoled by seeing me living well with it. But we never got to do that, I was saved from that by a television programme which got them talking about HIV and she was able to tell her mother who gave nothing less than her love and support to her. In 2010, they were blessed with another baby boy… HIV negative as well. They are now married and healthy. They are growing stronger and stronger. Their children are healthy and beautiful. Just like all parents, they hope to live long enough to see their children grow up to be men, finishing school and getting married.

It is the hope of Blessing that one day, she has the strength and courage to stand before people and talk about her life with HIV. To share her experiences with the hope that she can touch a person’s life and make a difference. She longs to see the world view HIV in a different light; being accepted for what it is and see an end to all the stigmatisation and discrimination.

The second one is… let’s call her “Kindness”

She's a born again Christian woman, she was saved before I was. It was kinda weird cos we used to party together. I wondered how our conversations would be, but I could still be myself around her. She was no judge of character but was just setting an example which I was just not ready to follow as yet. She's been my friend since 1999. I think I was drawn to her by her kind heart, humble nature and somehow good sense of humour. She's the second person I told about my status. To top it all, she later took her test and was found negative, which was exciting news for both us... I mean we just couldn't both be positive yhu! She took care of me like a sister while I was pregnant. The one thing I didn't like about visiting her was the healthy eating, yho! Sisters made sure that when I'm around her she maximises on the health of both myself and the baby.

It was around January/February and I was still at home in PE on maternity leave when she called me. Our greetings were followed by the words "ndikujoinile mtshana" (I've joined you my friend). Now, the first thing that came to my mind was how in the world could she be pregnant? She's born again and as far as I knew she had no man so what in the world? So I asked "haybo, you're pregnant?" And she answered with that sweet and serene voice "no sana, I'm HIV positive". Now I'm one person who always has something to say no matter what the situation. But this time, I didn't. I was lost of words; I was hurt, I was kinda angry too. I mean how? Why? She's taken a step to a better life, accepted Christ as her Lord and Saviour and yet this? Nooooo! Just wasn't fair. So she began to tell me how it had all came about. It’s just amazing how bold she was. She's the one who asked the Doctors to do the HIV test after having all sorts of other tests done to find out what was wrong with her. And when the results came, she was kinda expecting them so she was prepared. Which makes me believe that maybe that's the reason why Jesus called her to Him before her diagnosis so that He's there with her when she heard the news. He was there, holding her hand and giving her hope that she'll be fine. Now I can’t really remember what I said to her. But I know that I said that I would have preferred that she was pregnant, but nonetheless we will walk the journey together. I'm pretty sure I gave her the "be strong" speech as well... Its standard moss...

Her strength and determination is what I want to write about. Most people when they only find out through being ill that they are HIV positive lose hope. They really see the disease as a death sentence. Now, when I saw her for the first time after she had told me the news I was shocked, fortunately for me she was on her way out as I was coming in so that left me with time to think of how I’m gonna approach her. I was just amazed at how strong she was. How determined she was to beat this temporary setback. She is one person who listens… she is one of those people who live by following the rules. She was religiously faithful to her getting well routine and guess who had to suffer? Yes, Meeeee! Because this time, food was healthier than ever… I would watch her take her medication and the home remedies with such enthusiasm. I have never in my life seen someone down Caynne pepper water mixture as if drinking milk. I’d watch in awe as she took her dose of garlic cloves with lemon water… she never allowed HIV to slow her down at all. She would attend marches and walks.  I can’t say it made me wish to grow up to be like her thoughJ cos I just didn’t see myself having that much zeal. In my heart I prayed that I don’t get to that place because I just didn’t think I would have the strength and courage that she had. And I believe that could be why God chose to heal me of HIV for He knows my weaknesses and capabilities. I watched my friend fully recover and it was such a motivating experience. One you’d wish that all HIV positive people could hear and see. Especially those who are born again Christians as they tend to condemn themselves for contracting the virus.

It’s a pity that she has asked me to withhold her name as she has been selective in the people she tells about her status, because I believe that a lot of people could learn and gain a thing or two from her about dealing with HIV. But she is one of the strongest people I have come to know. She has been my pillar of strength. You know, it’s amazing how a person who is going through the same challenges as you are, maybe even in a worse position as you are would still manage to strengthen you, take care of you, motivate you  as though she has no problems of her own. This is how she’s always been to me.

She has had her challenges in her life with HIV. Her experience in disclosing her status to men who had shown interest in her has not made it to the highlights of her life. It is amazing how people are quick to judge a person because of her HIV status. I get the part of fear of life and what not. But the sad thing is that in one’s fear, they are merely saying that it will never happen to them hence they are able to reject and judge people who are HIV positive. So now the question is, what does an HIV positive woman say to a man who shows romantic interest in her? Does she keep quiet and not say anything, which might be viewed as betrayal? Does she disclose and risk being rejected and judged? Does she stay single forever in the fear that she will be hurt if she takes the risk? Does this mean that HIV positive women do not deserve to be loved and get married and have children? I am not making a call for men out there to start searching for HIV positive women just for the sake of trying to make a difference and do good, I am just making an appeal that when you have seen the personality, the character, the traits, the heart and all that make you fall in love with a woman… Let not her HIV status be in the way of what could be meant to be the best relationship of your life…

When I asked her what her thoughts were on HIV… this is what she said

“Look one thing I realised mna is that do whatever you do for urself, start with You then the rest must follow coz abantu banengxaki yokufuna ukuthi please people before iziqu. Something I also stole from Crisselda is that where was gvnt when u contracted Hiv so what I am trying to say is It’s important not to shift the blame to somewhere else, even to the person who infected you , You should take responsibility and live your life. Yhuu hai khandiyeke andibhali journal apha tltltltl but what I realised is that abantu abafundiseki period so we still have a long way to go for instance I don’t if it was 2 weeks ago yawa ndim no Crisselda thi le ntombi it’s a whole year since she was diagnosed but akakayamkeli till today, how do you deal with people abanjalo so ja that’s the reality of this Demon.”

Blessing, Kindness

Two of God’s traits

Sent to my life for a purpose

God used you both

To showcase who He is in my life

I am grateful for your lives

In ways I cannot begin to describe

You are God’s own appointments

To make my life what it is

May His strength be upon you

May He give you courage every day

May He give you hope for each day

May He increase your faith

I pray for your healing

Physically and emotionally

May my God fulfil your desires

May He be glorified through you

You are my heroines

You are my stars

You are my best friends

You are my God’s Blessing and Kindness

I love you both…

Today, I urge us to remember those who are HIV infected and affected. To remember the children whose parents have been robbed by the disease and the widows and widowers whose spouses have been taken by this virus. To remember and extend humility, care, compassion and empathy to those who are affected by HIV. Acceptance is something that each and every one longs for…  And even more so, people living with HIV, they long to be accepted and loved. Start with one person, and extend a hand of kindness, give a word of hope and live to make a difference.

To those who are infected and affected by HIV, it is a disease that can be managed and beaten. Being positively positive is the way to go. But most importantly, having faith in the God of Supernatural miracles not only brings peace into one’s heart, but it also brings healing to the one who dares believe the impossible. For God says “I am the Lord, who heals you.” Exodus 15:26.

The cure to HIV lies in the hands and heart of God

 Jeremiah 33:6 "Behold, I will bring you health and cure, and I will cure you, and will reveal unto you the abundance of peace and truth."

We need to always pray for one another in asking God to release his abundant miracles upon our lives and the lives of those we love

Matthew 18:19 "Again I say to you that if two of you agree on Earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven."

Mark 11:24 "Therefore I say to you whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them."

May you all have a memorable World AIDS Day 2011.

Stay safe and blessed

P