RECENTLY DIAGNOSED WITH HIV?

RECENTLY DIAGNOSED WITH HIV?

Well, I can't say I know exactly how you feel because I don't. I may have an idea because 17 years ago I sat in front of my Dr as he broke the news that I was HIV positive. And one thing I'm sure of is that my reaction is different from yours and someone else's. The emotions I went through and the thoughts that went through my mind are not the same as yours or someone else's. They may be similar but not the same. You see, we all have different thoughts and perspectives about something until it happens to us. Some of us would have thoughts about a situation before it even hits home but just by seeing other people going through it and how they handle it. Some shy away from the fact that it may happen to them so they don't even bother paying attention.

When I was diagnosed in 2001 I was pregnant and had recently buried my cousin who died from HIV related illnesses. For me being HIV positive meant that I was finally facing up to the music of having unprotected sex. Not that I deserved it, no I don't believe I did just as much as I don't believe that anyone deserves this illness despite their lifestyle. In my mind I knew that I have in my time had unprotected sex with someone whose HIV status was unknown to me and because of that decision, whether it was a spur of the moment or planned; bottom line is that some dude infected me with HIV and in my case it was at my consent.
I don't know how you contracted HIV but I believe that the first step to accepting your status is to acknowledge how you contracted the virus and try to deal with that before trying to deal with the virus itself. We have different experiences on HIV and I won't even begin to attempt to understand how a person who was infected through rape or transfusion or an unfaithful partner feels about their infection.

HIV in itself is not a threat to us. What threatens our peace of mind and emotional state is how we deal with the infection. What it means to us and what we do with the emotions that come with that line from the health worker which says "you're HIV positive".

This is the first and hopefully first of many blogs I will be writing on living mentally and spiritually positive with HIV. I want us to engage on the emotional and spiritual challenges we go through from the day of our diagnosis.

My realization is that our struggle with HIV is no longer physical, its emotional and spiritual. Let's fight it together.

So, if you've recently berm diagnosed with HIV, allow me to walk this journey with you. I'm not promising to have all the answers but I promise to share my experiences with and find those answers together.

#HopeRestored

Next blog - HOW TO ACCEPT YOUR DIAGNOSIS?

1. You know when you're going through something and someone just comes and adds on to your stress or misery and you be like "I Sooooo don't need this on top of all I'm going through right now". And you just want to run and lock yourself up and not have to deal with anyone just in case they add on to your troubles? Well... that's what discrimination does to HIV positive people. We have so much to deal with already without having people add on. While we manage our illness the best we could. Its inevitable to think intensely about stuff. Like 'I wonder if I'll live to be 60', 'I need life insurance', 'I wonder if I'll ever have children', 'what will happen to my kids if I ever get sick', 'how do I tell my.......'

HIV does change a person's life. There are things that could have been easy to do or acquire but now they're close to impossible. That alone is enough to set a person on a slow train to a painful and depressive place. But we accept, we strive, we move on and we grow from strength to strength. We carry the load the best we can and walk with our heads held high, to a place of hope and freedom. And that walk, that walk is the most fulfilling... well until someone drops the discrimination bomb on us. They be like...

2. 'She's unclean'. Unclean your heels. Like seriously :O ? Maybe you should look in the mirror before calling someone unclean, especially because of an illness. Really now! And its unfortunate that our Christian community still struggles to believe that the blood of Jesus that has cleansed them of their sins has the power to save and heal an HIV positive person and cleanse them just as much. Its great for us to know that the blood of Jesus does not discriminate.

3. I know what you did. You've been having sex and now you have AIDS. Well, AIDS your foot. I had sex nangok and I contracted HIV so what? That makes you better than me? Oho! Does that really give you the license to judge me? Shame on you. While MY infection was sexual, someone else's thoughts on the matter don't bother me one bit. However, some people were raped and contracted HIV, some were faithful wives sitting at home waiting for their husbands, some were innocent children born of HIV positive mothers, some were accidental infections. And wena you find it fitting to place everybody under the same umbrella and judge and discriminate. Mnxim

4. It could be the very same person you were nasty to because of their HIV status that will come to your aid. Whether through you being affected or infected. I know, I've been there. I've had people, some closest to me gossiping about me, some even predicting my soon coming sickness and death but I'm still standing. And as I stand, I am rendering HIV support to them and their loved ones. Some have found me to be the only person they can disclose to, and I understand shem, how do you disclose the very same thing you've been gossiping about in someone else's life to the very same people you were gossiping to? That will mean whatever names you called the others by apply to you too. AmaXhosa athi 'unyawo alunampumlo'

5. Your attitude can change a life, it may increase a life span, it may boost someone's confidence... it may save a life. While we can't do anything to change our HIV statuses, you changing your attitude may do a whole lot more good for many. Change your attitude, change a life.

6. The scars left by stigma are deeper than the scars caused by HIV itself. Have a heart, heal a soul... end the shame. It really does start with you...

#letstalkhiv

Jesus, the only man who can love you truly and unconditionally

Maybe your ex-boyfriends would fill up a double deck Greyhound bus or a triple carriage train. Maybe your current ones can fill up a quantum because you have one taking care of each aspect of your life.
• Minister of Transport
• Minister of Finance
• Minister of Housing
• Minister of Tourism
• Minister of Home Affairs
• Minister of Communications
• Minister of Health
• Minister of Education
• Minister of Defence
• Minister of Labour
• Minister of Security
• Minister without Portfolio
• Minister of Religion

In the process of being with these men, maybe you have found yourself with 5 children with different fathers, some off which their real fathers’ identities are not known. Maybe you contracted HIV in the midst of it all because at some point you became a bit comfortable with the one who seemed to be nicer and gentler, or you were just careless because there was no point in right living for you anymore. Maybe you just can’t do without sex anymore, hence the different ministers with their time table to serve all your needs.
Maybe, just maybe you see no worth in your life anymore. Maybe you do not see yourself as one worthy of true love, true and unconditional love. The love that says:
• “I love you as you are”.
• “Come to me and I will be all you need and more”.
• “I will wipe your tears and you will cry no more”
• “I forgive you”
• “I will renew and restore you”
• “You are worth more than rubies”
• “I died for you and it was worth it”

I just want to tell you that, there is a Man who can and who does love you this way. He longs to love you just the way you need and deserve to be loved. He longs to take care of you and your every need. He wants to protect you, heal you, provide for you… He wants to save you.

He cares not about how many have been inside you, He wants to cleanse you inside out and make your body His holy temple. He cares not about how many have used you but wants to use you for His glory and for His Kingdom. He cares not about who has and how they have bruised you but wants to heal you with the bruises He incurred. He cares not about you nails because He took nails through His hands and feet for your salvation. He cares not about your lashes because He took lashes on His body for your healing. He most definitely cares not about your make up and your clothes because He is the One who covers your nakedness and removes your shame.

He is the Son of the living God. The One who is, was and always will be. The Word, the beginning and the end. The Lamb that was slayed. The friend that sticks closer than a brother. The One who loves you more than life. His name is Jesus Christ. And He is waiting for you to open your heart to Him.