A person can only be to you what you allow them to be

"A person can only be to you what you allow them to be" ~ Pumza Mooi

Many a time we expect certain things from the people around us and yet we do not give them the opportunity and freedom to do or be those things to us. One cannot be a friend unless they are allowed to be a friend and do what a friend does. A friend listens, supports, cares and is there for the one they are a friend to. When you close the door to all these things that come with being a friend, then you are not allowing the person to be a friend to you. It is so also with children, we expect them to be children yet we do not allow them to be. We do not allow them the freedom to be children and we give them too many responsibilities for their own ages. Wives and husbands, we marry men who are purposed to be our protectors and providers and yet we work so hard to do these things for ourselves that he finds no reason to or feels he will only come short in doing so. Husbands take wives who are purposed to be helpers and yet they shoot down anything and everything that comes out of their mouths or undermine their efforts in building their family.

We seek to be in and to have relationships. A relationship is a connection or an association between two or more people. And these people each have their own roles to play. And one can only play that role effectively if given the opportunity and freedom to do so.

Maybe the next time we feel unsatisfied or unfulfilled in any relationship, and find ourselves doubting the other person, we should ask the question “Am I allowing them to be that to me?”

God bless

P

Don’t let your past steal your future

On Wed, 21 Sept 2011 I was visited by my past… and it looked much more promising and safer that my future because I think I was more familiar with it. It was something that I knew… But it was something I have to let go… And I almost grabbed a hold of it again…

Don’t let your past steal your future ~Pumza Mooi

I have decided to let go of the past. Not because of the pain or the unpleasantness of it. But because by focusing on it, I may miss out on what is ahead for me. The thing is, the past is meant to be left behind and the future is something to be looked forward to. Whether good or bad, the past is just what it is. A memory, a record of what had been. We cannot keep testifying and bragging about old blessings, successes and stale anointing. God is a God of new and fresh things. He is the God of hope and we can only hope for something that’s in the future.   Jeremiah 29:11” For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. “

Focusing on the past robs us of the joy and even the pain of today. Everything in our lives happens for a reason and at a set time. While holding on to yesterday’s pain, one might be missing out on today’s joy. If we hold on to yesterday’s joy we might be missing out on today’s pain which could lead us to tomorrow’s peace and joy. We could be missing out on the experience of God’s comfort and peace, His ability to move us from a muddy clay to a King’s highway. We could be holding on to yesterday’s sin, our disobeying Him and miss out on His forgiveness  Lamentation 3: 22 “It is because of the Lord's mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not. 23They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness.”

God has a new thing for you… Let go of the past, whatever it is. Open your hands to receive. Open them and let what you are holding just fall out and see if He won’t fill them with something new that’s bigger and better. Let go of what is familiar and seems safe and take a leap of faith and trust Him. Isaiah 43:19  “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”

I am letting go of the past…

Philippians 3:13 “I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.”

Stay blessed

P

The book that led me to Finding God

About the Book:

We are all connected in our ways. The lives we live are an example to the world. No life is born, lives and dies in vain. The time given to us is enough to fulfil our life mission. This is the challenge finding out what our mission is and making a difference in the world using only that which we are given - the power of emotion and talent and the ability to dream and see those dreams fulfilled through the

choices we make, lead us to our destiny.

About the Author

“As I go through life with all its challenges I find that my philosophies are not too far off from the masters that preach the highest ideals and my philosophies are:

Love all people, regardless of what they do or do not do. Give an ear to all people; everyone has something to say and something to teach. I am here for a bigger purpose than me and everything that happens is a lesson for my soul. Never judge it is not my place. Whenever an opportunity comes, deposit into life by helping people where you can (all people). When I am done, with this life; people will remember that I gave and I gave fairly without asking for anything in return.”

- Brandley M. M. Ngcobo

I find it safe to say that had it not been my meeting Brandley Ngcobo on Facebook in January 2011, and reading his book titled “What’s your story” I would not be where I am in my life right now. Now, I have read a number of motivational books in my time. And yes, they have in some way or another touched my life. But never have I been touched and have my life changed by reading a book like I was by reading Brandley Ngcobo’s book “What’s your story”.  I believe its timing was right and that made all the difference. It was what I needed, when it was needed. in my life. I do believe that the fact that the book is written by an ordinary man, just like me who was given a revelation to share his life story with the hope that it will make a difference in someone’s life, made it easy for me to identify with. Though our journeys were not the same, I found meaning in this book. Reading it made me look deep within me and it sparked a burning desire in me to search for my purpose, my God given purpose. Being a Christian woman, I knew that I was born for a purpose but have always had this thought that it will all just come to me and fall into place. But I learned that one needs to consciously seek and search for their purpose in order to find it. And in finding my purpose I would also find myself. For me, finding my purpose meant finding God. It meant seeking His heart and His mind and plans about my life. It meant taking a journey in His memory lane, with Him holding me by the hand.

 “Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. “~ Jeremiah 29:13

When I received the book on the 24 January 2011, it was just four days after I have had just gone through one of the worst, hardest and most painful experiences of my life which led to me having to do what was the hardest decision of my life. To either give up my God given dream or put an end to a 6 year relationship and marriage. You see, I was diagnosed with HIV in 2001 since then, because of how God had kept me strong. I wanted to help people who were struggling with HIV, but my husband was against this. And in obedience and wanting to keep my family together, I let it go. So here I was, torn between embracing something that I knew would make me happy, something that would give me the fulfilment that I needed. Something that would give my life meaning and something that came from God Himself, His plan and purpose for my life, and something that was once the source of my joy but turned to being the source of sorrow. It seems like an obvious and easy choice, but it wasn’t. Although it was clear that things were getting from bad to worse in my marriage, that it was many moments of fighting and crying than love and joy I still found it to be safer than chasing a dream that I didn’t know where it would take me or how I was to pursue it.

I remember a day I was chatting to Mr Ngcobo about life and choices and ones that I had to make (I like picking his brain and he’s always available to listen). His response to me was “Choose life no matter what the odds”. So what was life for me? Was it my failing marriage or was it my God chosen destiny?

So shall it be that out of the same life comes, joy, pain, happiness, sorrow, fulfilment, suffering, foolishness and wisdom embodied in one body. It is a choice after all.

~ Brandley M.M. Ngcobo

“While you live and live with meaning and purpose, opportunities will present themselves, oceans will carry you to worlds unseen (more opportunities) and towards the end; your life will gather speed like a steam train rolling downstream with no breaks.”

~ Brandley M.M. Ngcobo

Knowing in my heart that there was a higher purpose for my birth was not enough to activate my faith enough to seek and call forth my God given destiny.  God had planted a dream in my heart. A dream so big that I thought that I had no way of realising. I knew that I had to tap into the deeper part of God and seek His mind, His wisdom in order for me to even take the first small step towards realising this dream. So many times I have seen and read the scripture in James 1: 5“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.6 But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts, is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.” But I never knew what it meant for me. It’s true that it is not every word that is preached that is meant to touch your life at the time it is preached. There comes a time when the word of God will be sent to you, not necessarily through a preacher or Pastor. Sometimes it is through a lay person just like you and me. And this is what happened to me. This is when I started to seek the wisdom of God, to carry out that which I believed He had planted in my life.

“The power of dreams is a God given trait of every being that dwells the world and man, as we know Him, has mastered the power of converting dreams into action and yet; so many, so many of us die in futility of not having realised the power of dreams come true and nor having taken action in pursuit of those goals and dreams.” – Brandley M.M. Ngcobo

As I read through Ngcobo's book, I felt a connection. Not so much as me knowing him but it was more like he knew me. He knew what I was going through; it was like he knew who I was and what I wanted to do. It was like he knew what my struggles were at the time. It truly felt like he was sent by God to me. So many times when people do good things for us we would respond with “you’re a God sent”. This time, I did not know this man. I had just seen him on Facebook and I had no idea that he was a writer, let alone an author of a great book and one that would change my life. But really, when God creates a person, He creates them with a plan of His own. He knows what they will go through and the people they will meet and people who will touch their lives and how. God plans and grooms our helpers as we go along with life. He positions them at the points and times of our needs. And this is what I believed happened with Ngcobo. When he started writing the book in 2007, it was the beginning of the ordeal that led to the state I was in when I first read his book. The time between writing and publishing the book was the time when I was struggling to accept what had become of my life. I was still willing and open to any offered remedy to my problems. When all along my answers were lying in God's heart. So to me, this was God making a way for me to come out of my ordeal a better person who trusted Him more. God was shining His light and imparting His wisdom on Ngcobo because He knew that His precious Pumza needed to hear and experience what He had planted in his heart. When he published the book in 2009, my problems had reached the climax. I knew what I had to do but I was too scared to take that leap of faith. I was too scared to leave what I knew for something I didn't. God knew that in 2011 I will be in position where I will need this courage and wisdom that He imparted in this man. He gave him this talent, this dream and obedience so that today, I may proudly say that I am living the purpose that God created me for. My faith was activated beyond measure. Not only did I find the courage to end a marriage that was more detrimental not only to my health but to my spiritual well being and the people around me. But I also found my physical healing. I was not only freed from my emotional burdens but also from my physical burdens. All because I dared to believe that God had a bigger and better plan for my life. And that it was worth living and letting go of everything I found to be safe for something that I didn't know but only hoped would be better. This is the time that I found the meaning of faith.

Lessons learnt

• “No life is born, lives and dies in vain.” ~ Brandley M.M. Ngcobo

▪     Jeremiah 29:10 “I know the plans I have for  you”

◦     I am here to serve a purpose, God's purpose.               

•  “Choose life no matter what the odds.”  ~ Brandley M.M. Ngcobo

▪     John 4:16 “I am the way, the truth and the life.”

◦     Life is meant to be lived and experienced. And this is what I intend to do with my walk with Christ, to experience Him fully in my journey through life.

• “Nothing moves until you do something. Belief alone is not going to achieve anything for you. It must be followed up with concrete action. ~ Brandley M.M. Ngcobo

▪     James 2:24 “For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, even so is faith apart from works”

◦     As much as faith pleases God, faith alone will not get me to where I need to be. Faith has to be followed by obedience, action, by praying and speaking the things I want into being.

• “The dawning day of success is within your reach; tell your story today while you have the time. Live for your ideals and pursue the truth, seek knowledge and wisdom at every corner, give your share to the world and hope that it will make the world a better place.” ~ Brandley M.M. Ngcobo

▪     Revelations 12:11 “They overcame him by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony.'

◦     It is by me telling my own story and testifying to the world that I will be able to make the difference I am created to make and live the purpose that I'm created for. And this is the only time that I will overcome the enemy that is out to destroy God's plan for the world.

• “You become your actions. Your thoughts become your actions. Your life is judged by your actions. Your story is told through that which you do while you are alive and when you die it is cast and it echoes in eternity.”~ Brandley M.M. Ngcobo

▪     Proverbs 23:7 “ For as he thinks in his heart, so is he”

◦     Whatever I feed my mind and believe, that is who I am and that is who will manifest and that is the story my life will tell. It is up to me to decide what my story will be. And I choose to have a positive story. 

As I write this article. I am busy writing my own book sharing, my story. With the help of Brandley Ngcobo. He has titled my book “Finding God” hence the title of this article.

Brandley Mduduzi Mbongiseni Ngcobo

Words cannot begin to explain or describe how grateful I am for your life. I have not met you but it feels like I have. I have been on a search for something that I didn't know but knew   would complete me. Connecting with your heart and mind made me seek and connect with my inner self. You set me on a road to finding God and in finding God I found Pumza. Because you lived, I am now living. Not only am I living life but also living my God given purpose. Hay mtshana... Amazwi okubonga andinawo. May God richly bless you always.

My friend

Your name aroused my curiosity

Your words caught my mind

Your picture caught my eye and your heart captured my heart

Never imagined a friendship with you

A stranger from the net, one I may never see

A stranger that became a great friend

A friend is one who listens

Who sometimes speaks without saying a word

A friend inspires

and lives to make a difference

Friendships have become materialistic

You be there for me and me for you

You scratch my back and I scratch yours

What you give is what you get

But you, you gave more than you received

You gave me a true friendship… in spirit

A valuable friendship in words and a lasting friendship in character

Your words became bricks in building the new me

Your kindness became a soothing balm to my broken heart

Your experiences became a footpath for my lost soul

Your wisdom became light through my darkish world

I wonder if you know that,

You are the best friend I’ve ever had

In spirit, you have touched and changed my life

And for that… me loves you to bits

I thank God that our paths crossed

I thank you for living your life

I thank you for chasing your dreams

I thank you for being a good friend

Thank you for being an inspiration

Thank you for being my friend…

Thank you for being you

Much Love and Respect

P

To order the book, see:

http://www.newvoices.co.za/
www.wix.com/bngcobo/brands
http://www.kalahari.net/
http://www.amazon.com/
or email brandley@webmail.co.za

What’s your Story?

New Beginnings

Ok!!! It’s Spring!!! It’s a new season for new beginnings, rebirth and renewal. Everything is bright and beautiful. Flowers budding and sunny weather all around. It is really a beautiful scenery. It comes after a dreadful chilly and wet winter. It feels like a ray of sunshine after a cold and rainy day. Its beauty is as colourful as the rainbow after the storm… Ok, ok… that’s just about what I know and see of this season. You see, I am not a nature person, let alone a flower person. But the bottom line is that Spring represents beautiful new beginnings.

What I want to talk about though is not geographical season of Spring. But that which we as people go through in our daily walk of life. You see, we all go through seasons, just like the seasons of the year. The timings and durations may not be the same though, won’t we all be blessed if they were because then we’d be able to prepare for the changing seasons. The seasons of the year are in three month periods; sad thing about ours is that they vary from one day to years. Now, we get our Autumns when the winds of life blow at us like nobody’s business, when we find ourselves having to push through everything and anything just to get by. We also get our Summers, when all is well. Summer is the season of abundance where everything is going just right. In Summer, we are all happy and jolly. We plan our best times for this season because we are hopeful that nothing would go wrong.  And then, we get our Winters. Yeah, that’s the season where you kinda get a combination of all the other seasons. This is the season where you feel nailed on almost every corner of your life. In Winter you can get anything from raging storms to hurricanes, bolts and lightening, floods, snow and cold like you won’t believe. Sometimes you hardly ever see the sun or even a tiny spark of light. This is the time that anything that could go wrong, goes absolutely wrong. You find that things at work are going horribly wrong, and you look forward to going home to a peaceful and more loving environment, but then when you get home you find yourself in another battle. You find yourself looking around and finding no safe place to run to, sometimes even the people around you become such pains in the leg that you’d rather not even see talk to them, let alone see them. You just feel like isolating yourself to a place of your own where you can hide away from all that is hitting against you and only come out once the season is over. It becomes so easy to have your toes stepped on and making uncalled for rivals and enemies. That is just typical of someone going through a winter season of their lives. In Xhosa we would say “unochuku” which basically means they’re just being oversensitive.

With all these raging storms in one’s life, the only true weapon that can guarantee breakthrough is prayer. I say guaranteed breakthrough because prayer gives hope that the season will pass. God says in His word in Psalm 139:1“O LORD, you have searched me [thoroughly] and have known me. 2You know my down sitting and my uprising; You understand my thought afar off.  3You sift and search out my path and my lying down, and You are acquainted with all my ways.  4For there is not a word in my tongue [still unuttered], but, behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. This means that even before you enter into this season, God knows. So, already… before the storms even hit us. God already knew they were coming and He already had an action plan. He also knows our own plan of how to handle things when they come, which most of the time never work. I can just see him closing His eyes with His hand on His head saying “there she goes again trying to fight My battles”. This is why He assures us in Isaiah 43:2 that “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flame kindle upon you.  3For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…” this is so that we can trust in His capabilities of taking us through the hardest seasons of our lives. 

Where I was going with this from the onset was on the subject of new beginnings. The beginning of a new season, Spring; the restoration and rebirth. One cannot have a new beginning while dragging the old hurt and pain along. A new layer of skin will not grow on a wound that has not healed. With winter, it is inevitable that one would contract flu or cold and cold blisters and such. And in most cases the infection becomes so severe that a course of antibiotics is needed to treat it You see, while we go through our winters, we either end up casualties or we cause our own, sometimes even both and in these cases, the antibiotic I am talking about is forgiveness. So…

What is forgiveness? The dictionary meaning is that “Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt'.” So it is clear that forgiveness it the act that would take place when there's a wrong committed against another. An offence often comes with pain, hurt, heartache, resentment, anger, revenge and all the likes. And which, when we look at them closely are all negative emotions which are detrimental to one's emotional, physical and spiritual wellbeing. I will be lying if I said forgiveness was easy. Forgiveness is the one thing that is pivotal to one’s peace and happiness and yet it so difficult to do. It is the one component of our wellbeing that is dependent on us, the one that no one can do for you, motivate or even force you to do.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

~Suzanne Somers

Forgiveness is the process of removing that hard, dark, ugly layer from a wound, to allow it to breathe and heal completely. It can be painful, especially when the wound is still a bit new. The possibility of blood coming out is inevitable. Sometimes you might find that you may have just opened another small little one inside of it. But that all leads to healing, the complete and full restoration. Forgiveness can be the most painful way to acquiring peace and joy in your heart and life. But think about it this way, that its temporary pain for permanent peace and everlasting happiness. Its freedom....

Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.

~Hannah More

So today, this Spring day of 2011. Won't you make the decision to forgive? Forgive yourself or another person?  Won’t you take the first hard but essential step to your healing and restoration? Won't you release yourself and any person whose mistakes have hurt you from the anger and resentment? Won't you empty your heart of all those negative and harmful emotions to open a space for the good ones? While you're doing that... Won't you allow God to forgive you? Not only will you have eternal peace but eternal life is guaranteed.

Start afresh today. Have a new beginning, a rebirth and a regrowth.

Happy Spring Day!!! And may this day be the beginning of new and great things for each and every one of you.

Be blessed

P